Just Kidding …

 

Teacher: kal school kyun nahi aaye?

Sardar: mainu bird flu ho gaya see

Teacher: Bird flu to murgion ko hota hai

Sardar: Mainu tusi roz tay kukar bana denday o …

 

Girl 2 Sheikh: Mujhe apni ring de do mei ring ko dekh k tumhain yaad karoon ge.

Sheikh: Tum ye soch k mujhe yaad kar lena k mene ring maangi thhee usne nahi dee …

 

Judge mujrim se, batao tumhari aakhri khwahish kya hai?

Mujrim: Aik Nokia Mobile N97. 5 crore rupees. Apki beti se shadi, U.S.A ka visa, 2 saal honeymoon, 6,7 bachay jo aap ko nana nana kahain aur mujhe papa aur mei un sab ki shadi karva dun us k baad aap jo faisla do mujhe manzoor hoga …

 

Sardar's theory about moon: Moon is important than sun because moon gives light in night when light is needed but sun gives light in day when it is not needed.

9 Biggest Brain Damaging Habbits:

1. No breakfast.
   
2. Over eating.
   
3. Smoking
   
4. High Sugar Consumption.
   
5. Air Pollution.
   
6. Sleep Deprivation.
   
7. Head Covered while sleeping.
   
8. Working your brain during illness.
   
9. Talking rarely.
   

Spoken English Tutorial for teachers

How to speak English?

 

1. Don't dare talk in front of my back!
   
2. Both of you three get out of my class
   
3. Why are you so late … say yes or no?
   
4. Take 5cm of wire of any length
   
5. I have two daughters, both of them are girls.
   
6. All of you stand in a straight circle.
   
7. Quiet … The principal just passed away.
   
8. Everybody stand lengthwise…
   
9. Why are you looking at the monkey outside when I am HERE??

Fun with Sardar & Faraz

Sardar: Jadon meri navi navi shadi hui c na tay menu apni biwi inni change lagdi c k dil karda c kha e javan

Dost: Tay hun?

Sardar: Kha e janda tay change c

 

 

Sardar ka RADIO kharab ho gaya, usne khol k dekha to andar 1 mara hua chooha mila. Ye dekh k sardar ghussay se bolay

'Ey lo. Chalay ga kaisay? Sala singer hee mara para hai …. '

 

 

Psychology k practical mei professor ne chuhay k aik taraf cake raka aik taraf chuhiya rakhi.

Chuha cake ki taraf lapka.

Cake badal kar Roti rakhi, Chuka roti ki taraf lapka.

Bar bar food change kiya laikin chuha har baar food kee taraf hee lapka

Professor: Is experiment se saabit hua k bhook sab se bari taaqat hai

Sardar Student: Sir ek baar chuhi b badal k dekh lain …

 

 

Boy: Agar mei mar gaya to kya tum dusri shadi kar lo gee?

Girl: Nahi, mei apni behen k saath reh loon gee

Girl: or agar mei mar gayee to?

Boy: To mei b tumhari behen k saath reh lon ga

 

 

Teacher: Translate into English:

In baarishon se dosti achhi nahi Faraz,

Kacha tera makan hai, kuchh to khyal kar ..

Sardar: Friendship with rains is not good good Faraz,

How cheap is your home, behave yourself!

 

 

Musafir: Bayta aap mujhe thora sa pani ppila dain ge?

Bacha: Agar lassi ho jaaye to?

Musafir: Tab to bohat hee achha hai …

Musaafir ne 5 piyaalay lassi peenay k baad bachay se poocha

'kya tumharay ghar mei koi lassi nahi peeta?'

Bacha: 'Peetay to sab hain laikin aaj lassi mei MENDAK gir gaya thha …

Musaafir ne ghussay se piyala zameen par de maara …

Bacha rotay huye bola:

'Ammi! Inhon ne pyaala tor diya … abb mera bhai Potty kis mei karay ga …. '

 

 

Ek train ulatnay ka case adaalat mei thha

Train ka driever jo k sardar thha us se poocha k tum ne train patri se Q utaari?

Sardar: O janab 1 banda saamnay aa gaya thha to brake maarnay ka time nahi thha .. Hamara assistant ne bola k is k oopar charha do

Wakeel: Phir???

Sardar: Wo banda patri se utar gaya … hum ne bhi train patri se utaar di …

 

 

Golden Words

Hadith-e-Pak / Quran / Hazrat Ali:

Mein us shakhs ko jannat mei ghar dilawanay ki zamanat deta hon jo jhagra chhor de khwah who har par ho (Abu Dawood)

Mei tumhain us aadmi kii pehchan bataata hoon jis par jahannam ki aag haram hai aur wo aag par haram hai:

Ye wo aadmi hai jo naram mizaj ho, naram tabeyat ho aur naram kho ho. (Tirmazi)

Khuda apnay banday ki madad mei tab tak laga rehta hai jab tak banda apnay bhai ki madad mei laga rehta hai. (Tirmazi)

Kisi musalmaan ki haajat poori karnay ka sawab 10 saal ki etkaaf se bhi ziada hai. (Tibrani)

Khuda un logon ko apna mehboob banata hai jo bohat paak-o-saaf rehte hain (Surah Tauba)

Jis darakht ki lakri naram ho ge us ki shaakhain ziada hon gee. Bas naram tabiyat or naram guftar ban jao ta k tumharay dost ziada hon (Hazrat Ali)

Ba-shaoor or Ba-zameer logon k darmyan rishta khoon ke rishtay se ziada mazboot hota hai. (Hazrat Ali)

18 Golden words of Hazrat Ali:

3 cheezon ka ehteram karo:

1. Ustad
   
2. Waaldain
   
3. Bazurg
   

3 ko sath rakho:

1. Sachai
   
2. Eman
   
3. Naiki
   

3 chezon ko yaad rakho:

1. Ehsaan
   
2. Nasehat
   
3. Maut
   

3 cheezon k liye laro

1. Watan
   
2. Izzat
   
3. Haq
   

3 cheezon par kaabu rakho

1. Zubaan
   
2. Ghussa
   
3. Nafs
   

3 cheezon se bacho:

1. Buraai
   
2. Chughli
   
3. Hasad
   

Family Planning

Wish you luck, Wish you joy
May you have a baby boy
When his hair starts to curl,
May you have a baby girl
When she starts wearing pins,
May you have a pair of twins
When your twins turn to four
May you have a baby more
And if you go on with this scheme
You will have a Cricket Team!!!

Jaano, aur jaantay raho

* Quran *

Amal ki kitab thhi, Dua ki kitab bana diya
Samajhnay ki kitab thhi, parhnay ki kitab bana diya
Zindon ka dastoor thha, Murdon ka manshoor bana diya
Inqilab ki kitab thhee, Sirf Sawab ki kitab bana diya
Jo ilm ki kitab thhi, Usay la ilmon k haathh thama diya
Tashkeer-e-kaynat ka dars dene aayi thhi, Sirf Madarason ka nisaab bana diya
Murda qomon ko zinda karnay aayi thhi, Murdon ko bakhshwaanay par laga diya
....


Hazrat Abdullah bin Haris (R.A) farmaatay hain k
"Mei ne Nabi Pak (S.A.W.W) se ziada muskuranay wala shakhs koi nahi dekha"


Ae mere RABB mei tujhay pukar k kabhi mehroom nahi raha (MARIUM-4)

Aye mere RABB! mere liye apnay pas jannat mei ghar bana dejiye (ALTEHREEM-11)


Dunya mei agar 4 cheezain tumharay paas hon to tumhara koi nuksan nahi hoga
1. Sachi Zuban
2. Amanat Daari
3. Khush Akhlaqi
4. Rizq-e-Halal

(HAZRAT ALI)



Huzoor (S.A.W.W) ne farmaya,

Tamam makhlook-e-Khuda kumba hai, Allah k nazdeek sab se mehboob woh hain jo uski makhlooq k saathh behtareen salook karain

ALLAH ki 4 rehmatain jo insan se bardasht nahi hoteen
1. Beti (Daughter)
2. Mehman (Guest)
3. Barish (Rain)
4. Bemari (Illness)

or 4 azab jo insan khushi se qubool karta hai
1. Sood
2. Jahaiz
3. Gheebat
4. Jhoot



Ek khubsoorat Aitbar

Agar ALLAH tumhari dua'ain puri kar raha hai to woh tumhara 'yaqeen' barha raha hai
Agar Dua'ain poori karnay mei dair kar raha hai to tumhara 'sabr' barha raha hai
Agar tumhari dua'aoon ka javab nahi de raha to woh tumhain azmaa raha hai


ALLAH ne 9 cheezon mei shifa rakhi hai.
1. Quran
2. Sadqa
3. Sila Rehmi
4. Surah Fateha
5. Safar
6. Shehad
7. Kalonji mei
8. Zam-Zam mei
9. Zeitun mei